(I can’t write ignore me agh)
Q almost kills Bond on a mission. It’s a stupid mistake and the equipment doesn’t work, and Bond falls (again). Q had one job and he’s fucked it up. He can hardly look at Bond without replaying it, without seeing Bond tied up in wires in his hospital bed. Bond only starts to see it after he’s mostly healed, sees the grimness that has set into the man he loves, and it hurts more than any injury sustained. He says out loud once, in a lull weeks after he’s gotten home, “I’m alive, you know, you didn’t fail me.”
Q stands up from the sofa and goes to the window without a word. He wouldn’t say out loud, knows he’d never have been able to commit to it (he’s too selfish), but that day he’d though of quitting. Of leaving. Bond sits still on the sofa, watching him, not wanting to upset him more. Q can hear him breathing in the silence and he shuts his eyes, resting his head against the glass. It’s only when Bond has come up behind him, wrapping arms (newly healed bones) around him and pressing a kiss in his hair, that he reopens them. He wants to apologize, wants to berate himself forever. Wants to push James away and catch him all at once. But instead he just breathes. Synching his heavy lungs with James’, he thinks, this will have to be enough.